Women are Unicorns

I was pregnant once. Twice actually, but God had other plans for our first little squishy. The second time around, we were blessed with twins…apparently He does have a sense of humour. Our wee monsters are kind, gentle, caring little people who have become my pride and my joy. But as most moms can agree, that wasn’t always the case.

There is a period of time in motherhood when you hate. You hate A LOT. A lot of things. A lot of people. At one point or another you hate everything. You hate fiercely and you hate with a vengeance. We call this period of time pregnancy.

Oh the thinks you will think when you can’t have a drink!

We start with stage 1 – Denial. You pee on that little stick and two lines appear. Wait? What? TWO LINES? Two lines means positive, right? No. Stop. That can’t be right. Better go buy seventeen more tests just to be sure. But now I don’t have to pee. Better drink eight gallons of water to get things moving. The next three tests are positive…six new lines. Impossible. There must something weird in the water. Ok, I’ll wait until morning and try again. Ugh, I hate waiting. Waiting is the worst. I need a glass of wine.

Stage 2 – Excitement. We’re having a baby! I’m gonna be someones mommy! A tiny human all for me! Snuggles and hugs and sweet lullabies while I rock my angel to sleep. Oh the bond of breastfeeding is so natural and beautiful. I can’t believe the miracle of birth is happening to me! I hate waiting for my baby to arrive. This is so exciting. I wonder if I’m having aboy or a girl. Oh, just as long as it’s healthy, I don’t care.  But really, a girl would be wonderful! Gotta pick the cutest name ever! Only the best for my little peanut. Baby registries everywhere!

Stage 3 – WTF is wrong with me? The time when all the crazy starts but you can’t tell anyone. The pregnancy secret is hidden behind crooked smiles and sideways glances at anything baby related until you reach the safe zone. For 12 weeks, you’re a psychopath for absolutely no reason apparently. I’m starving but I hate food. Must eat…so hungry…why don’t they make nacho ice cream? Omg…a grape. I’m gonna puke. I’m so hungry. I just need to lay down. Why is the room spinning? Seriously…I’m 7 mins pregnant…how can I feel like death already? I wish I had jalapeno poppers and peanut brittle. My body is rejecting broth. I’m dying. I need pizza right now. My back hurts. How is a 1/4 ounce of baby in my uterus the equivalent of lugging around a 40lb backpack? I’m never gonna make it. I wonder if you can eat 40lbs of buffalo wings and not die. After dinner mints always help. I better buy some at Costco. Ooh Costco. Mommy parking…sweet! Lindors are sweet, I should get those too. I can’t get out of bed.

Stage 4 – Purgatory. A time when you are thankful to be alive, felling alright but have no idea what hell is around the corner. Second trimester baby! Guess what world…I’m not fat…I’m pregnant! Here, look at my 75 belly selfies I took this morning! Can you see the difference? I totally can. What wall colour do you prefer….peach peach or peach nectarine? I’m trying to get a head start on the nursery? Yes there IS a difference and yes it DOES matter…ugh why do I bother with these stupid people. Only a mom would understand. Oooh girl…pregnancy does not look good on you, good thing you’re near the end huh?! I don’t know why people complain. I’m feeling fabulous and have the cutest baby bump…this is a breeze.

But then part two of purgatory sets in and attitudes change. You are no longer a person. You are a walking hormone hurricane. Sorry, can’t go out with the girls…I’m pregnant. Sorry, can’t walk around the grocery store…I’m pregnant. Sorry, can’t do anything cause guess what…I’m pregnant. Why are you talking to me weird person? I didn’t invite you to start a conversation with me. Can’t you see that I am busy growing a human here! Don’t talk to me. I hate when people talk to me. Must find a peach peach crib set.

Stage 5 – The Three “I”ed Monster – Irrational, Irritable and Inconsolable. Men suck and where the frick did my feet go? I hate you feet. I hate you ass. I hate you husband for eating my last box of spiral Kraft Dinner. Oh there’s a box of original left? Are you insane! Those noodles are different and wrong. All wrong. I can’t eat that! Ugh. You don’t get me at all. Why are you still here? Can you just stop breathing already!!! Oh, you’re tired from your six hour nap? Please tell me again how horrible that is. My six minutes were delightful. Let me go cook you dinner. I hate you. Nothing fits!! Yes, this IS the fourth day in a row wearing the same yoga pants, any other smart ass comments today? Fur lines crocs? Yes please! Finally something these boats can fit in. Oh look, little miss second trimester is all perky and pregnant. I hate her. She has no idea. I hope her kid is a 25lb butterball who never sleeps. Yes. I am still pregnant. And no, I never get tired of hearing that. Ask me again in four minutes.

Stage 6 – It’s over? The epidural guy is a god! I can’t believe she is finally here! My sweet angel baby is beautiful and perfect. Her little button nose is perfect and her feet are perfect and she will rule the world one day and be perfect. The past nine months have been soooo worth it. I suddenly forget everything bad in the world because my baby is perfect and I am numb and high and perfect.

Pregnancy can be awful or amazing. Depends who you ask and which stage they are in. Looking back now, even the hardest parts of pregnancy are funny. The crazy things we said and the ridiculous places we lost our keys usually give our spouses plenty of ammo to use against us for years to come. The tears of joy wash away all the tears of sadness once your little squishy is in your arms. I am so thankful that we made it through in one piece. I see my girlfriends struggling through their pregnancies now and can’t help but giggle on the inside. I get the crazy. I get the excitement and dreams for the future. I get the anxiety and nightmares about what can go wrong. Friend, I know you are still in there and the shell of pregnancy can be lonely. But you will get through it and we will share some hilarious stories later. Embrace this time. It is such a short time in a long life ahead of you. Pregnancy is not an excuse. It is your opportunity to sit back and let the wonders of your body nurture and grow your minion. Relax and take it all in. You deserve it.

Some say that women are weak, fragile, and overly sensitive. I know that we are hardcore, unbreakable and have boobs. Thus we are awesome.

We can literally grow a human being in our bellies with little help from anyone else. We provide food, warmth, love, nutrients and shelter all while folding the laundry. Nine months later, we use our strength and stamina to push a 10lb sack of potatoes out of one of the smallest holes in our body, and then nurse this tiny human from our body all by nature and God’s hand.  Men…are involved in the whole process for approximately 3.6 seconds, and then stand back in the delivery room and say “yup, I made that”.

Seriously, women are unicorns.

When being Unplugged is Unacceptable

You know what drives me insane? Like, teeth grinding, leg twitching, white knuckling insane? A lot of things actually. For instance, those times when you are having a conversation and the person you are speaking with cuts you off mid sentence. Then later, when you finally get a chance to continue your thought, you completely forget what you wanted to say. Grinds my gears!

But tonight, the insanity derives from something much more mundane. Waiting 18 minutes for my picture to load to a Facebook message only to have it fail. You know why this drives me bonkers? Because its 2015!!! Holy guacamole…I am 99 percent certain that I just drove eight hours north and ended up in 2001. I am one step away from having to forward my calls because I need to check my email. Can you hear that? Yup…that is the ear-piercing sound of dial-up.

I miss my cable internet. I miss the ease of having a question, being unsure of the answer and googling it instantly. Now…I have to sit and stew until find my own answer…using my brain. Ugh. It hurts.

I miss feeling hungry and pulling up Pinterest for snack ideas that immediately curb my craving. Last night, it was almost 8pm and I could not think of a single thing I wanted to eat. I was starving because my brain wouldn’t think. How is this even a problem?

This morning, I actually typed out an email, pressed send, then went to the kitchen to make a coffee. I returned a short while later to make sure the message sent completely….and guess what…it didn’t. Bah…annoying.

I started downloading the latest episode of “The Bachelor” at noon. It is now 9:41pm and I’m only at 65%. Last week, it took me 3 minutes.

First world problems. Believe me, I KNOW! I am positive this post is screaming selfish but it is so hard to deny the truth. Cable internet might just be the best thing since sliced bread. And I loooove bread. Especially the pre sliced stuff!

Hmph. Thank you TekSaavy for always delivering super fast, unlimited cable internet to my house. That is all.

#FoodieFriday – Cranberry Chicken

I love food and food loves me.  This will always be a fact.

Some of my family will say that I am a picky eater, but I don’t agree. Just because I can’t eat lasagna because the noodles are frilly or I refuse to eat a B.L.T sandwich without peanut butter…they think I’m picky and weird. Weird yes, picky no. I blame the peanut butter and mayonnaise combination on my Newfoundland roots. Mainlanders will never understand 🙂

I like to think that I am a decent cook or at least a pretty good recipe follower.  Every once in a while we stumble upon a recipe that we love or an “oops” turns into an amazing dish and it gets filed in the “keep forever” box.  Cranberry Chicken is one of those recipes.

I am not quite sure where this one came from initially.  My mom has been making cranberry chicken for me since grade school, so lets give her credit for the original version. Like all good things, this recipe has gotten better with age. If you ask my mom, she will tell you to grab a handful of garlic and a can of cranberries…the rest is up to you.  I’ve gotten a little more detailed and have now stuck to my version for about 10 years.  I’ve been asked several times to share the recipe and after getting the seal of approval from my father-in-law and a thumbs up from my brother-in-law, the professional chef, I guess we can call this one a winner.  So, in honor of Valentine’s Day, here is my most loved dish, Le Cranberry Chicken. Note: this dish is not loved because of its nutritional value!

In a 9×13 baking dish, mix together:

1 package  – Onion Soup Mix (I use the garlic one)

1 can – Whole Berry Cranberry Sauce

1 tbsp – Oil

3 tbsp – Ketchup (I used Heinz Chili Sauce for added heat)

1/2 cup – White Vinegar

1/2 cup – White Sugar

1 tbsp – Minced Garlic (use more if you wish)

1/2 tbsp – Red Chili Flakes

2 – 4 Chicken Breasts (whole or sliced)

Bake for 30-40 mins at 375 degrees. Serve over rice.  I usually steam asparagus or serve peas on the side as well.

Enjoy!

Good weeks are good. Bad weeks are crap.

Last week wasn’t my best.  Bad news sends me straight into a downward spiral no matter how prepared I think I am. Every.Single.Time  I’m having a pity party with ninja star confetti and you’re all invited! I’m horrible…and very sorry to everyone who knows me during those moments. Its not pretty. Thank you for not calling an intervention.

But this week…this week I got my shiznit in order. This week has been good.  Timing is funny that way.

We got our game faces on, I got my fanciest list writing pen ready and we made a plan. We now have answers to the lingering questions that were making me crazy. We found resolutions for life’s little road bumps that were stressing me out. And we’ve come to terms with some hard truths that were weighing us down.  Its been a good week for my emotions.  Not a great week since the kids are sick and are so thoughtfully sharing every last germ with mommy…but pretty good nonetheless.

Even during our week of rainbows and butterflies…poor Al heard these very calm rational comments from me:

“If people weren’t so frickin’ dumb I wouldn’t have to be so smart”

“Why does this always happen to us? Like, really? Who did we piss off?”

“These kids are never going out in public again. We are moving to a farm and turning Amish”

Yes boys…you missed out on this! I totally get why people say women are crazy. When things are hard…we say ridiculous things and eat an entire bag of Oreos with a side of heavily salted pistachios and then complain about how distant our spouses are and how fat our asses have gotten.  Holy hormones.  I’m sorry men everywhere. We are certified cray cray.(That one is for you Dave)

A good week is fun for everyone. Food is cooked THREE times a day! Clothes are washed, folded and put away. All the dishes remain in the cupboard, in one piece. Maybe that last one is a ginger trait…just a guess.

So thank you Al for loving me during our good weeks and not running for the hills during the bad ones. And for buying me a car…that was pretty cool too 🙂  But I still expect Lindors for Valentines day…you have been warned.

My BFF’s Melissa & Doug

Last night I was laying on Brooklynn’s bedroom floor half asleep and praying that 9pm would hurry up and get here so we could all go to bed.  Having absolutely no energy, I laid on her floor and watched as the kids threw every single megablock down the hall….well thats going to be a minefield to walk on later. I watched as Brooklynn took all her clothes out of her dresser and tossed them in her ball pit…I won’t be able to sleep before refolding and putting those away…thanks kid. I watched as the dogs came in and ripped a cracker from Lincoln’s hand and he cried…please don’t make me get up and get you another one dude!  I was just too tired to care.  Mom of the year over here for sure.

Once the meltdowns ended, everyone seemed to go to their separate corners and played quietly.  It dawned on me that the entire house was suddenly quiet, with the exception of Linc’s little voice as he stacked wooden alphabet blocks and practiced his counting.  Without any help, he repeatedly counted to 5 as he stacked each block, and when he forgot a number, he examined the block and said the letter on it instead. My little man will be 2 in March, but knows his numbers, colors, and letters by heart. It.Is.Unbelievable.

I would love to take all the credit here, but I really can’t.  I am pretty sure I owe most of his genius to Melissa and Doug. What started out as a small business out of Doug’s garage has turned into the most amazing collection of educational toys a parent could ask for. Over 2000 high quality, durable and highly engaging toys for kids of all ages over the past 25 years is pretty awesome. Nothing is battery operated. Kids are challenged to use their minds and creativity to solve clunky wooden puzzles, build pirate ships from cardboard bricks and role play as train conductors, doctors and parents with costume sets.

I’ve spent hours searching for missing puzzle pieces and probably swore way too many times after stepping on blocks, but laying there, watching my kids figure out shapes and how thing work together is pretty amazing. I feel so blessed to have these moments with them, even if it only lasts 12 seconds. Thank you Melissa and Doug for all that you do for children and their tired parents 🙂

Check out the Melissa and Doug website for yourself, you WILL NOT be disappointed.

Shout out to Amazon.ca for free shipping on M&D products too.  Well all know how much I LOVES that!

Hard times that teach

Sooooo… it’s been a hard few days. We’ve had worse days. Horrible days. Can’t-believe-we-made-it-through-that days. Today was just a hard day. You know why? Cause being an adult sucks sometimes.  It’s hard to be a mom and be guilt free.  It is even harder when you know something is off but you continue to live in a semi state of denial hoping you are wrong, until one day some fancy schmancy doctor or smarty pants man in a suit confirms your gut feeling. And now there is a truth. One that I need to face and accept and deal with. Big or small…it’s not a fun feeling. My guilt turns into dread and then into anxiety and stress about how to fix the problem right now. As though my neglect over the past while needs to be compensated for and changes made overnight.  Stop the guilt. Fix the problem. Realign the universe to when everything was perfect. Do whatever it takes to go back to that moment when I wasn’t at fault.

Except life isn’t easy like that. You can’t fix anything overnight. Big things. Tough things. They all take time. And patience. And will power. And some magic ability to be able to see past each day and focus on the long term goal. It is so frickin hard.  Especially when it comes to my kids.  The day to day guilt and frustration completely clouds long term successes and progress. Bah. And the worst part? The worst part is that I do it to myself.  Everyone else can understand the struggle and see the end game. Everyone else supports me and knows it takes time. Everyone else knows that I can do this and change will happen.  Everyone but me. Sorta. Because right now, it’s impossible to see past tomorrow.  I guess these are the moments that make or break you.  I can shut down, deny, ignore, and hope miracles happen.  Or I can follow through, take the advice, do the homework and try my best each day knowing that it will eventually change and be better.  Elizabeth Banks once said “if you want to be in it for the long haul, you have to take the long view”.  And I love that.   Long term focus gives you long term results.

So today, I am thankful for the hard times in life that teach. Those moments you can’t avoid when God needs to show you something. To make you better. To give you strength, hope and appreciation. These moments are hard, but they are temporary. The lessons we learn though, those lessons are permanent and life changing.

Shopping In My Underwear

I have to admit, I can go shopping every single day for the rest of my life and never get bored.  I still giggle every time I mention to Alain that my mom is flying in and his first response is “Oh really? Where are you going shopping this time?”  Can’t help it, we like to shop. Sorry not sorry!

When Nanny isn’t here and hubby is working out of town, I have no choice but to shop online…which used to irritate me.  I like to touch things, and compare colors, and try things on.  But lately, the forces of the interweb have been turning me to the dark side. Once you get the hang of things, online shopping is actually pretty genius.

There is A LOT of crap to buy on the internet. Walmart, Sears, Best Buy, Toys R Us, Amazon, Etsy, Ebay, Zulily….the list goes on and on. Almost any store you can think of has a full online stock available for purchase. With a few clicks of a button you can compare prices, quality, get reviews, and receive suggestions on similar products instantly. Maybe the country girl in me is showing a bit, but holy cow, I had no idea the potential! For a girl who researches things to death before making any big purchases, this is a gold mine.

Like any addictive drug, I started off small and only shopped a few times a year. But then, my favorite sites starting having blinking neon banners with two magical words on them that changed my life.  FREE SHIPPING!  Whaaat? So I can find anything I want, pay for it directly from my account (thank you PayPal) and you will ship it to my front door for free…and I don’t even have to put a bra on?  SOLD!  And if I don’t like it, I can make Alain return to the store for a full refund?

Sorry Mom, I think our shopping days are over 😦    But we can still do lunch, kay?

Snow Days!

Thankfully, I am a stay at home mom, so snow days aren’t a big deal around here….usually!

Every winter we are pretty much guaranteed to get two or three big snow storms that shut down all the schools and give most kids a much appreciated day off. As the wife of a man who doesn’t believe in snow days, nor does his company…having his job cancelled for the day is a BIG deal. Huge! Mega! Ginormous! Like, lets have a parade BIG!  Working in a time sensitive industry, any delay can be crucial and often, more stressful than bearing down and driving through a wall of snow.  However, today my friends, today for the first time in years, hubby took a snow day.  And so far, its been pretty darn fun.  We cooked breakfast together; english muffins and cheerios is intense yall!  He played with the lil monsters while I happily shoveled the driveway. And then, as the kids took turns napping, we hung out in the basement playing Super Mario Bros and had full out DEFCON 1 meltdowns when we fell off cliffs or jumped into koombas that ultimately left us in failure…again…and again…and again.  I’ll admit, I get a little crazy each time a princess dies because her stupid little plumber keeps knocking her off platforms!  But really…this is pure heaven for us nerdy folk.

Yup, sometimes, living in the north is pretty frickin’ awesome.  Thank you mother nature for family bonding time. And for finally passing world 4 🙂

Warmth

This post should really be about warmth of the heart and loving yourself and blah blah blah….but its not. Nope.  Today, I am simply grateful for heat. The ability to walk down my hall and press the red up arrow on my fancy LED thermostat and immediately blast warm, calming air throughout the house without a second thought.  The temperature today is only about -14c, so for Canadian standards, its warm.  Living in Winnipeg certainly made me appreciate how warm -14c truly is. From December to February, temperatures of -40c to -50c with the wind chill are normal. My last winter there was so cold, we only had two snowfalls that were worth shoveling.  Even the show thinks Winnipeg is too cold!

So thank you natural gas heating. No oil tanks to fill. No wood to split and stack. No fire hazard baseboards to worry about. First world problems indeed!

Did you know…

The average temperature on Mars is -63C. Somebody get those marshins a fireplace!

30 Days of Gratitude

February is just around the corner and thinking about all the lovely doveyness floating around right now, I’ve decided to take on a new monthly challenge. The 30 days of Gratitude. And thanks to you February for only being 28 days…makes my job a little easier 🙂  One of my goals this year (shout out to Kristen at When At Home for the push!), is to be more present and live in the moment.  I always seem to be planning ahead, and quite often, it is all wishful thinking!  I am constantly perusing travel sites for our next vacation spot, or abusing Pinterest looking for my next reno project. If you look at my wall calendar, you will be sure to find a countdown to something, anything. I spend so much time looking toward the future that I am missing our present. My focus always seems to be on the bigger moments of our life instead of sitting and enjoying the smaller ones, that make each day special.  So here’s to the next 28 days of finding ordinary, mundane and even some extraordinary everyday reasons to be thankful.

If you’ve never taken part in a similar challenge, or maybe you really enjoyed it the first time, I invite you to play along and remind yourself of what you are thankful for in your own lives. Keep notes in a journal at home, or share your thoughts each day all the way down there in the comments section if you like.  Whatever floats yer boat!