I will always see him

More often than not, our spouses seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to our list of priorities. Jobs have deadlines, so my husband can wait.  The kids need me, my husband will have to wait. Laundry needs to be folded. Dishes need to be washed. My brother calls and needs to tell me a ridiculous story about his day. My husband always waits. In all of that time waiting, he is often forgotten. And so am I. His blackberry rings, our conversation has to wait.  A store is added to his schedule, our dinner plans have to wait.  Conference calls run long and he is stuck at the office, lovey time has to wait.

My point is, there is always something in life that we prioritize over our spouse whether we intend to or not. I believe this is mostly due to an underlying thought that, as a loyal and patient spouse, they will understand and they forgive you. Things happen that are out of our control and our spouses always seem to take the back burner. They wait because they love us. They wait because they care about us. They wait because sometimes, they just don’t have a choice. But in these moments we are missing out on our life together. As the old saying goes, we often get too busy creating a life that we forget to live.

I am the first to admit how little appreciation I show to my husband. Life with an obsessive compulsive mother of twins is not luxurious.  We have been flying by the seat of our pants together for the past eight years and somewhere along the way, something was lost. The honeymoon stage ended I suppose. That is not to say we aren’t happy. Truthfully, we are happier now than we were five years ago when we struggled to find our place in the world without stomping on the each others’ dreams.  We have become one. We talk the same. We function the same. We fight about the same things. We are officially glued together and would probably be lost if we ever came undone. And that is alright with me. But even though we are thriving, I know there are times when things need to be said, efforts acknowledged, apologies given. These things shouldn’t wait. In a world where praise and encouragement seems too rare, kind words shouldn’t wait. There will never be a wrong time to say I love you, you are doing a great job or thank you.

In the hustle and bustle of life, there are still times when I stop and take a moment to watch and see who my husband has become and remember why I love him so much.

I see him out there busting his butt every single day to put food on our table.  I see the four times he presses the snooze button on his alarm every morning, dreading the early road trips and long days away from home. I see him smelling the wrinkled clothes on the floor hoping they are wearable just one more time because I didn’t get the laundry done today. I see him exhausted from a day of putting out fires and dealing with pesky drama and I see how hard he works, even when he hates it, to keep us going and to give us a life of adventure that I so much enjoy.

I see him being daddy after a long day of work.  I see the miss matched jammies he put on Lincoln, and the sideways ponytail he attempted to put in Brooklynn’s hair.  I see him crawling around like a bear, and singing songs about bunnies not caring at all how foolish he may look. I see the way our kids gravitate toward him the minute he comes through that front door. I see how his face lights up each time he hears someone call him “dad” or how he seems to melt everytime those tiny little arms squeeze him a little longer during that bedtime hug.

Most importantly, I can finally see how he sees me. He looks at me and can see past my insecurities. He looks beyond my rough exterior and sees the little girl filled with hopes and dreams and adventure.  He looks at me with love in his eyes and peace in his heart. It is the same look he has been giving me for eight years and I am finally able to understand it because that is exactly how I see him. We don’t say the right words all the time, but I am so glad that we are at a place in our relationship where we can look at each other and know that there will always be love and a forever between us. Without a single word spoken, we know it will always be there. I see him and he sees me. And that is all that matters. For ever and for always.

Happy Anniversary Babe,

I love you.

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2 thoughts on “I will always see him

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