Squeamish beware; this is NOT the post for you. Move along! I love you.
I am in LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. Did you hear me? In L.O.V.E. With a snot sucker. Yup, I said it.
Before we had kids, and even while I was pregnant, I had one rule; boogers are for Daddy. Gimme poop, vomit, blood and gore any day of the week. I will accept them gladly. But the sticky grossness of boogers, I can’t handle. I feel like this is a genetic fear and I am positive my brother has already closed this screen and has refused to read more once I said booger. However this intolerance came to me, I don’t really care. All I know is…I Hate Slimy Boogers!
Buuut, then you have a kid. Or two. Or even five. If you have more than two kids, I bow down to you. Perhaps having different ages is easier, but man oh man, if we had triplets, I can guarantee it would be like the hunger games around here. Survival of the fittest cause Momma can’t handle triplet boogers.
We had two or three of the bulb aspirators which to me, are junk. I could never get a good enough seal to actually remove the boogs. All I did was continually stab the insides of tiny noses and spent twenty minutes rocking out the tears that followed.
We learned quickly that we had to get in and out with the least amount of skill required. So we moved up into the world of battery-powered aspirators. This one worked well for a while. It was certainly noisy, but once the kids figured out how to press the “on” button themselves, it became a game of what can get stuck in the nozzle today! By the way, if you get Sudocream in the nozzle, just give up. The stuff sticks to your baby’s butt so well for a reason. Its like tar on a silicone nozzle. Buy a replacement. It’s just not worth it. The battery operated aspirator lasted a good six months and was quiet efficient…if you don’t mind straddling your child, pinning down both arms and enduring screaming to the high heavens. It was a game of twister gone horribly wrong, but effective. The sweet melodies that play while you are attacking your child provide little to no relief. Alas, the kids threw it one too many times and the retrieval cup no longer seals in place, thus losing all suction power.
Last night, I can confidently say, that less than two hours of sleep were had between Lincoln and Mommy. It was a rough one. Brooklynn decided to join in for a 3am screamfest…for no apparent reason. Always a fun treat. Having to make a 9am doctor’s appointment in the north end of the city this morning was the highlight of my day. But we got there and eventually made our way to Cheeky Monkey, where the heavens parted and an angel was brought to us. The NoseFrida Snotsucker shone like a halo. The reviews on this little magic bean are amazing and even our doctor highly recommended it. The idea of sucking snot out of my child’s nose, with MY OWN MOUTH was revolting. I just couldn’t go there. This is the stuff nightmares are made of people. But on the flip side…Lincoln’s freak outs and screeching are also becoming a nightmare.
So I caved. I bought the NoseFrida with extra filters, and pretty much cried the whole way home. I can not believe I’m about to siphon snot from my kids’ nose with my mouth. You are lucky I love you so much, you little slime infested monster. Bleh.
I was veeeery tempted to swing by the LCBO for a little nerve therapy to help get me though this battle, but I was not prepared to take the kids out of the car. And really, if you are ever, ever ,ever going to leave your kid in the car and have the cops called on you, the parking lot of a liquor store is the worst place to do it. Just sayin’.
We made it home and it was time to suck. The little baby on the box looked so peaceful and is totally enjoying his prefect breathing. This is gonna be simple. We need perfect breathing so bad over here. As I walked toward Linc I was happy to see him mesmerized by Barney and went in for the kill. HE DIDN’T MOVE! I shut my eyes, sucked with all my might and the frickin’ kid didn’t even flinch. The spout was full of nastiness for mommy, but not a single eye was taken off Barney. When all was said and done, no tears, no wimpers, no punches in my face. Nothing. Nothing but sweet luscious boogs filling a spout and perfectly breathing noses. OMG. Where has this thing been my whole life? Or, at least the past two years when it really mattered!
We miiiight just get out for a birthday celebration after all! Bow down to the snot sucker for it has given us cake! Should have known better. The NoseFrida Snotsucker is made in Sweden. It’s like Ikea for your nose. OF COURSE its gonna fit in tiny places and be exceptionally useful! Can those Swedes do anything wrong? Besides Mats Sundin…that was really bad.